No title seems right for this.

Hello Everyone, 

I am so sorry for the amount of time I have been away. Sometimes life takes us places we don't want to be. About the middle of June I got very very sick. The last thing I wanted to do was be someones Sub. I know that some of you live this lifestyle 24/7 but we are not there yet. I am a lot better now. However just when I thought that everything was evening out and we were going to start getting back into our normal lifestyle again things took a wrong turn, big time. That is what brings me here tonight. I wanted to share this with people I know will understand how I am feeling and how incredibly hurt I am.

First of all I would have to start by telling you that Dom & I have been together for a long time. Since I was 14. So we have quite a few of the same friends and most of them we have grown up with. A very select few of these friends know what we do and have shown some interest in it. So we are more then willing to share our little world with them and give them information on the subject. We have a very close friend who has always had a very flirtatious relationship with me. Dom & I have been friends with him since we have been together and he is extremely open minded to what our lifestyle is. He was asking me about being a swinger and what our experiences had been so I said here, go read my blog and being an idiot sent him a link to it via Facebook private messages.

Now most of you know that the people that do what we do are not shy. They are pretty open to showing sexual photos and whatnot. It took me a while to put up photos of myself here because if you read back I had stated that I didn't want people to find out what Dom & I did. I got over and realized that lots of people had pictures up and that obviously they lived private lives. So came to be my Flickr account.  This would come to be a huge mistake on my part. Last night I get a call from A. He tells me to check my Facebook page. So I open up my page and he then directs me to his page. I see a post on there about a paragraph long stating that he was coming out as having an affair with a married man. I kind of laughed because it was a totally ridicules statement. That was until I got a popup saying that he had tagged me in a photo. I was still on the phone with him and I asked him what photo he had tagged me in. He said I didn't that's the problem I can no longer access my own Facebook. Someone hacked him. So I clicked on the picture and what did I find, you guessed it my friends someone started posting pictures of me from my Flickr account that was tied in with this blog.

So pictures of my naked boobs, me posing provocatively are now all over our Facebook pages. As most of you with Facebook know you don't want 99% of the people you have as friends seeing any of that. So about an hour later he calls and says he is back into his account and has removed everything. OK, great thanks but the damage has been done. Now while this is going on Dom is at work and I am freaking out. We are completely open with each other so log into Doms Facebook and I find a private message that pretty much goes into detail that A and I are having an affair. I sent him a link to naked photos of myself and there was also a copy of a fabricated conversation between A and me. I spoke to Dom about it right away and deleted the message. He said he of course did not believe any of it and was sure it was someone trying to get back at A and we just happened to get put in the middle of it. The next day I wake up and check my FB and Doms and there is another message saying that she is sure that I deleted the last comment, more about our "affair" and blah blah blah. I finally write this girl (who is using a fake FB profile) and say listen, we are swingers we have been for 8 years if I do have sex with someone else it is not a big deal. Well that was pretty much a lie Dom and I only play together but it shut the bitch up real quick. She actually had the balls to say she was sorry for getting in the middle of it. Way to be sorry after you lie and try to rip apart my life for no reason. Thanks.

So now that you have gotten this long drawn out story let me state my personal feelings about all of it. I am shook to my core over all of it. I can not get over this huge feeling of being so violated. I can not get over being hurt by A because of his pretty much indifference of the whole thing. I was pretty much on my own with this huge mess to clean up. He didn't stand to lose anything over this. I stood to lose everything. I guess that is all for now. I don't know if/when I will be able to get over this. Oh and before anyone says it, yes I know it was my own fault, I put the pictures on the internet. A already pointed that out to me.

A Long Time Coming

Well this weekend was very interesting to say the least. Friday started out normal, get the kids off to school, all that everyday stuff. Then I got a text from our new "friends" we started talking about how busy we have been and how it is going to be a long time until we see each other because of her upcoming trip to Texas and our upcoming trip to Vegas. Then she said it....."are you guys doing anything tonight". No we weren't we were actually free. We decided it was time to get together and play.

We got to their house and things started off kind of slow. If you have ever been into couple swapping it usually starts out slow and a little awkward because nobody knows where to start. So we are all sitting on the floor like a bunch of little girls at a slumber party just talking. Then I decided it was time to get things going. I grabbed Dom and started kissing him and the next thing I know I hear this slurping, sucking noises and I look up to see Him & Her going at it, she is already in between his legs sucking his cock.

These people don't mess around. So Dom and I get naked and I start licking and teasing his dick. At this point we were pretty far away from them so Dom kind of picks me and scoots me closer to them. I see that that He is now going down on Her, so I roll over and start sucking her nipples. She has really cute tits. I don't want Dom to feel left out so I go back to sucking his cock, I look up and see her coming towards us. The next thing I know she is pulling Doms dick out of my mouth and putting it into her own, HOT!

Between all of this, I can feel Dom push me down on my back and I see her crawling towards me. Let me tell you there is nothing like being licked by another girl. They know what spots to hit, and their lips and tongues are so soft. She puts her fingers in and instantly finds the magic spot. I can feel both Doms and His eyes on us. I can feel them staring at my pussy and her licking it. I have to close my eyes because my cheeks start to flush and my pussy starts to gush. 

After she had enough of licking me. I go over to Him and start licking his dick. His dick is a bit longer and slimmer then Doms dick. Personally I prefer width to length but that's another post. I notice that his dick is hitting a strange spot in the back of my throat that is causing me to drool buckets (sexy I know) it made me feel really self conscious and sloppy. I think he enjoyed it anyway. All this time I can hear Dom a little bit away from me, I can tell from the way he sounds that he is really happy, and that makes me start to get even wetter. There is something about hearing/seeing your Dom getting pleasure from someone else that is a huge turn on.

After a good dick sucking session, I was flipped on my back. Let me just say that His tongue was yummy. I don't know if he was doing it on purpose but he would get me so close and then start licking somewhere else. I loved the way he licked my thighs and all around. Meanwhile I can hear that my Dom is pleasing Her, I know what she is getting and I am kind of jealous because nobody can eat pussy like my Dom can. Doms tongue is amazing.                                                                                                                                                         
I started to feel really close to coming and I actually thought I had but it was really light, I was about ready to move because once I come from someone licking my clit it is really sensitive. Just then he started licking me very lightly again and it didn't hurt or feel uncomfortable so I let him keep going. He started putting more and more pressure onto my clit and out of nowhere I started coming really hard. I can also hear that Dom had gotten Her off as well.

After both girls had gotten their fill. We needed to get fucked. Him & Her are not hard core swappers, which means they do everything but actually have sex. They also don't kiss on the mouth. Of course Dom and I would prefer a couple that did everything but in this lifestyle we all know about respecting limits. So Her goes back to Him and I go back to Dom. Just when Dom and I got going I hear Him & Her start coming. I was honestly kind of shocked but I figured we had worked them over pretty well. I took it as a compliment. Dom and I were not really comfortable continuing to fuck on their living room floor so we decided to take it home. We would have been there for quite a while. lol

Last night we had the most amazing session. By the time Dom was done using, his belt, a hanger and his had my ass was quite sore. I got to experience his wonderful tongue that I had missed out on the night before, and I made him tell me my pussy was better. ;)  I was tied to our headboard and had his dick shoved down my throat. I was then fucked while still firmly tied in place. He was very worked up by then so he untied me and flipped me over onto all fours. He started working his dick in and it felt amazing that I came hard on his dick. He suggested that maybe he could fuck me in the ass, a rare event around here. I gave him the nod that it was alright. He started to work his cock into my ass and it hurt like a BITCH. So I asked to be laid on my back. Dom is very slow and sweet when it comes to butt sex. He knows it hurts and the only reason I do it is to please him. He finally got it all worked in and let me relax and adjust for a bit.

Then he started really working it. I love to watch his face when he is getting that much pleasure. It almost started to feel good...almost. He came really hard into my ass. After that he flipped me over and told me he wanted a pic of his come running out of my ass, and no I will not be posting that pic.

I hope you all had an amazing weekend too. Have a great Memorial day. Hug a Soldier/ Sailor today.  XoXo

Come On!

Everyone knows that I am a sub and everyone knows...well in the D/s lifestyle anyway... that most subs have to ask permission to cum. The Doms like it that way, it gives them control. I don't mind doing this, actually I like it. Especially when I am getting fucked. I can pretty much cum on command during sex now which is an awesome feeling.

My issue is being stimulated clitoraly. I can get right there, ask to cum, be given permission and by the time I am done asking and given permission I have lost it. My concentration has been broken. Then the moment has been ruined and Dom has to start again. It irritates me to no end. He then usually just ends up saying "cum when you need to".  I wish I knew how to stay in that moment and lose it.

On a side note this afternoon with Dom was amazing. We had not had sex for a few days because of my little freak out. We have not gone more then a day within the last month. It felt so good to have him in me again and to have all my stress be gone. Soon we are going to begin training on learning to swallow. I have never been able to do it. The one time I tried I threw up. Sexy I know.

Life

This week stupid stuff that is happening in my vanilla life has completely gotten in the way of my "real" life. I hate this. I hate that I am so stressed right now that the thought of doing anything sexual makes me sick to my stomach. Honestly though what I probably need to relieve that stress is  30 minutes over my Doms lap.

Thank God he is so understanding about this. It probably helps that we have been married 15 years because right now I really don't feel like submitting to anyone. I feel like going out in the world and just beating the piss out of everybody I see.

Tomorrow this should all be over, it is either going to go well or it is going to go really badly. There really is no grey area here. So I would really really appreciate it if you could all send me some prayers, good luck vibes or whatever it is that you do. I am really sorry that this post is kind of lame. I haven't written in about a week and I kind of needed to vent a bit. Oh and I wanted to get that photo of my ass off of everyone's page that follows me. HaHa

Belts

I think belts are underestimated in the D/s world. There is nothing like the sound a metal buckle makes as it is being undone. The sound the belt makes as it slides through the belt loops. On top of all that it can leave some really nice stripes.

The last few times we played Dom used his belt. The feeling of it was amazing.  I am not sure how much force it takes to get the marks to stay or for bruising to happen but mine are never there for more then an hour or so. During a really intense session I asked Dom to mark me, he asked me how I would like to be marked and I asked him to bite me. He bit my left tit as hard as he could and I had a welt for a day or so but no bruising. It is really frustrating for me. I want bruises damn it, but I am not sure if I can handle the pain it would take for me to be black and blue. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

Happy Anniversary My Love

Today is our 15 year anniversary. I am more happy then I have ever been in my life. We are so much in love and we are having so much fun. I love that we have sex almost everyday. Thank you My Love for the last 15 years. I love you.


BTW: There are 3 new pics in my slide show, but you will have to wait through the stupid ones to see them. HaHa. Who's the one in control now?

Excuse me Sir?

On my journey to becoming a better submissive I have joined a few D/s type websites. I am an avid reader so when I find something new I want to do I feel the need to read everything I can about that subject. Of course joining these websites requires you to set up a profile. I chose my colors and picked out some pictures of me and my Dom that I like. They are the same photos that are in my slide show at the bottom of this page. As you can tell I have given up being shy about showing my photos.

The one thing I have noticed about Dominant guys is that they are either as polite and nice as can be or they are rude as fuck. I have gotten messages telling me I am beautiful, sexy and asking me how my day was going. Just like any other man would speak to a girl they had an interest in. Other messages were the exact opposite of that. Trying to Dominate me through a message because it just so happens my preference says submissive. Recently I commented on a blog that I have read since I have started this journey and I have a lot of respect for the writer so I didn't want to start any controversy or unnecessary drama on his blog. Apparently one of the Doms that also reads his blog read a comment of mine he did not like. He completely disrespected me and in so many words told me to go "tie my hands behind my back and punish myself". He didn't even have the balls to post his comments under his read ID. He posted them as "Anonymous" which I think was a total pussy move. 

Maybe I am not like the other submissives they have encountered. I only submit to ONE man. He only gets to see that side of me. Maybe if I got to know someone and it felt right I would consider doing some webcam or email playing. That would only happen if my Dom was OK with it. I would also want him there if I did decide to do anything like that.

I just feel like it is extremely disrespectful to A) speak to someone you don't even know that way and B) try to dominate another mans submissive without his permission. So if you think you can speak to me like that, or if you think you can dominate me without me giving you the power to do so you are going to be shocked when you are dealing with the biggest bitch you have ever met. That's who I am in my vanilla life. In my vanilla life I would probably make most Doms cry. So back the fuck up and get some manors. To those of you that have been polite and sweet, it was my pleasure to meet you and I thank you for your kindness.